I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
