Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
