I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
