I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
