There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
