Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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