We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize