Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
