There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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