If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
