Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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