Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
