I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
