I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
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