did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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