white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
