Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
