Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
