I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
