i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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