Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
