What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
