Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
