it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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