wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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