One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
