I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
