I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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