Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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