do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
