His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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