Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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