i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
