Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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