i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
