im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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