oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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