I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
