Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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