Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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