New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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