cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
