I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.