Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.

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  (724): This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text. http://tfl.nu/bfqf
  Replies (15) Good night (2394) Bad night (1163)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.

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  (907): started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night. http://tfl.nu/6i6d
  Replies (20) Good night (1097) Bad night (4972)
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  (646): View more from New York

  I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.

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  (646): I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot. http://tfl.nu/r2lr
  Replies (17) Good night (6330) Bad night (954)
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  (650): View more from California

  OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.

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  (650): OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS. http://tfl.nu/26xz
  Replies (37) Good night (9774) Bad night (2133)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?

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  (804): He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag? http://tfl.nu/lcp4
  Replies (21) Good night (713) Bad night (4689)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.

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  (804): Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick. http://tfl.nu/rxn3
  Replies (17) Good night (4326) Bad night (940)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.

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  (303): Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night? (1-303): Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts. http://tfl.nu/jufi
  Replies (4) Good night (936) Bad night (407)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.

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  (203): I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom. http://tfl.nu/gcg6
  Replies (4) Good night (721) Bad night (1007)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.

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  (443): He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us. http://tfl.nu/2gzn
  Replies (7) Good night (977) Bad night (935)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.

  (1-785): View more from Kansas

  i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man

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  (785): The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop. (1-785): i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man http://tfl.nu/s8dm
  Replies (2) Good night (1305) Bad night (381)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.

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  (561): She thinks Jesus was an astronaut. http://tfl.nu/koey
  Replies (11) Good night (831) Bad night (469)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)

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  (309): Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.) http://tfl.nu/zrht
  Replies (3) Good night (841) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.

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  (708): I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun. http://tfl.nu/pax3
  Replies (1) Good night (225) Bad night (488)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.

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  (905): This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick. http://tfl.nu/xvkz
  Replies (2) Good night (718) Bad night (200)
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  (230): View more from

  Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.

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  (230): Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success. http://tfl.nu/u50l
  Replies (1) Good night (489) Bad night (150)

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