I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
