Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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