i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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