I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
