were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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