I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
