So drunk its hurt
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
