PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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