Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
