I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
