I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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