went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
