____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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