I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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