Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
