I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
